Love Worth Trying [Video]

I did some experimenting with iMovie and Photobooth on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. :)



Song by Audea.

Will I End Up Happy?

I logged onto Pandora for the first time this weekend. My Dad is always raving about how much he loves it, so I figured I’d give it a shot.

I just typed in a random artist that I have been listening to and loving a lot lately. [He Is We]

The first song that started playing was a song I hadn’t heard before and I immediately fell in love with it.  [Happily Ever After]

My favorite line in the whole songs says, “Author of the moment, can you tell me. Do I end up, do I end up happy?”

This line really hits me deep and makes me think a lot about life.

I realize that most of the decisions I make are based on what will happen in the future. When I am in the process of deciding whether or not to something, I keep in account how it will affect the next day, the next month, the next year.

I’ve always been raised with this mindset. I remember when I was very young, my Dad always telling me to “think ahead.” Still to this day, he tells me to think about how the choices I make will impact me in the long run.  (Which is also his advice to the U.S. government.)

I am extremely thankful for this lesson that he’s taught me. I think it’s always important to take the future into account when making decisions, because as we all know, the smallest choices you make change your whole life.

But, I think that even this can be taken too far. I think sometimes I spend so much time thinking ahead and thinking to the future, that I forget to live in the present. I forget to enjoy the day I am currently living in because I am too busy worried about what my tomorrow is going to look like and how next year is going to be.

For the past year, I’ve found myself living from exciting event to exciting event. I find one certain day to look forward to and then I spend all the rest of my days counting down to that event. I never thought this was a bad thing, until I started realizing that I was alive on those special days, but dead on all the days in between.

Instead of living in the moment and enjoying every day as it came, I found myself staring at the clock, hours on end, waiting for the day to be over. Then I knew I had one less day to wait.

When this special day that I had been waiting for for so long came, I was ecstatic. I was happy. I was alive. I felt positive and full of life. I felt like I had no more worries or stresses. It was amazing.

Then it ended.

I went back to being dead. I stared at the clock again and waited for time to pass until I found something new to look forward to.

It was… and still is… a continuous cycle.

I can honestly say that I’m not happy with this way of living. And I’m working on trying to get out of it. This song kind of opened my eyes a little bit.

I struggle every second of every day, wondering if my future is going to turn out the way I want it to. I wonder every day how my life is going to look in 10 or so years. Heck, I wonder every day how my life is going to look in 6 months. I want to know if I’ll be happy. I want to know if the choices I’ve made end up getting me where I’ve always wanted to be.

Too bad the harsh reality is- We won’t know til we get there.

I can spend all day wondering what my future is going to look like. I can spend every second thinking of how I want to be in 6 months or ten years… but all I have is today. All I have is this moment that I’m living in.

My life can change the second after I type this next word. My life can change when I drive home from work today. I can wake up tomorrow and my life be changed. I will never know what could happen or what will happen.

All I truly know is what is happening.

Right now.

In this moment.

I think maybe I spend so much time focusing on making myself happy in the future that I forget to be happy right now. I forget to live in the moment. I’ve written countless blog posts on letting fear keep you from living. This time I think I’m letting my future keep me from living.

Of course I want to know if I’m going to end up happy. Who doesn’t?

But right now, I need to focus on being happy today.

Going back to thinking ahead, I think it comes back full circle.

By being happy everyday, and living my life fully alive everyday, I think that will impact my future in a positive way. I might not know how it’s going to end or where I’ll be, but if I’m happy now, then that’s what matters.

I will always make decisions based on how they are going to impact my life in the long run. But I think it’s time for me to stop using my future as an excuse to waste today.

Every single day is new. Every single day, something can change. Every single day provides opportunity for something incredible to happen. Maybe if I wake up every day, happier, then I won’t have to worry about my future as much.

I can rest and be free in knowing that the future will work itself out as long as I let myself live in the moment.

My past is gone forever. And my future is undecided and a mystery to me… but today; I have the ability to be happy and live life. Right now, for this second, I think that’s important.  

Will I end up happy? I don’t know. I guess we’ll see when we get there. :)

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Matthew 6:34

I Celebrate The Day(s)

Lights. Trees. Decorations. Food. Family. Friends. Gifts. Movies. Parties. Joy.

There's so many words we an associate with Christmas time. As I say every year, it is my favorite time of the year. There's so much excitement in seeing all of the decorations and lights and being surrounded by family, etc. I love the feeling I get during the holiday season.

This year it hit me pretty hard that in just a matter of a few  days, it will all be over. We spend SO much time preparing for this holiday. We bake an abnormal amount of cookies, spend lots of money, buy tons of presents, turn the whole house upside down to decorate, and hold big gatherings for our families. We watch all the cheesy Hallmark movies, blast Christmas tunes in our cars, and tell everyone we see "Merry Christmas."

But...

on December 26th, it will all be over. The decorations will still be there and we'll have plenty of leftover food, but the excitement and joy of "Christmas" is done. Then we pack it all up and say "See ya next year."

It seems so wrong to celebrate with all of this amazing joy the one day, and then have it all fade away the next day. When we sit back and remember what we're actually celebrating, I think we realize how horrible this really is.

On this day [supposedly] the Savior of the world was born. Somewhere, in the dark, in some stable, that little baby boy that grew up to save the whole world came out of his virgin Mom's body. Incredible is an understatement for the event that we celebrate on Christmas.

One thing I have really come to realize this year is that the celebration never ends.

The Christmas tree might come down and music might stop playing, but the joy and love that that little baby brought into the world is never-ending. It doesn't go away when the decorations do, and it doesn't leave when our families do. Jesus came into the world to show us true love. He came into the world to give forgiveness and faith. He was born to SAVE us. No matter what day of the year it is, that love, forgiveness, and faith still rings true.

I think Christmas is such a great time to remember that very special day when our Savior was born. I think it reminds us why we're even alive. But, I think that it will be my goal this coming up year to feel this same joy every single day. That overwhelming sense of joy I feel during this season should never fade.

Just knowing that Jesus was born to show me love and to give me grace is enough to make me the happiest girl alive for the rest of my life. There's nothing more powerful than knowing that someone loves you so much no matter what you do.

Christmas has become so chaotic. There's so much pressure and stress involved in such a beautiful holiday. We have to run around and make sure we get the right gifts for everyone, wear the perfect "Christmas Eve outfit," cook the right food, have the best decorations, etc. We've really ruined what Christmas is.

Jesus brought us rest. He gave us hope. That's what Christmas does for us. It reminds us that He came here for us, for His children. The little baby boy came to love us... and that's the most peaceful thought ever.

I'm thankful for this amazing holiday, because it truly makes me sit down, reflect on my life, and realize that THIS is exactly why I'm here. I am who I am because of the baby that was born on this special day. I would be nowhere without the love, grace, and forgiveness that this baby was born for. I'm saved because of Him. I'm saved because of Christmas.

All the crap in my life and all the mistakes I make are forgiven because of this day. I can live every second of my life, knowing that I am loved beyond measure and forgiven all because of Christmas.

That's reason enough to celebrate.

I hope you all have an amazing Christmas as well as 2012!

"The first time that You opened Your eyes, did you realize that You would be my Savior? The first breath that left Your lips, did you know that it would change this world forever? I celebrate the day."
-Relient K

40 Lessons, Thoughts, Memories & Highlights of 2011

Things I did, people I met, experiences I experienced, things I have realized and lessons I have learned in 2011.

1. I love driving.
2. Getting a job changed my life.
3. I forgot how it feels to be bored.
4. I love living in Florida.
5. Summer of 2011 was the best summer ever.
6. I have the most amazing best friend in the world.
7. I saw dolphins with my family in Clearwater Beach
8. I rode a jet ski with my Dad
9. My Mom turned 50.
10. Solo road trips to Tampa are fun
11. I applied to 2 Universities
12. I highlighted my hair blonder.
13. I have an addiction to ice cream.
14. Inception was one of the best movies ever made.
15. You can’t survive in life with budgeting.
16. Audea is my new favorite band.
17. The guys of Audea are some of the greatest guys I have ever met.
18. Good guys actually exist.
19. Video editing is a new passion of mine.
20. The Macy’s Day Thanksgiving parade gets worse every year.
21. I have an incredibly talented brother.
22. Contacts are so much better than glasses.
23. "Chopped” on Food Network is one of my favorite TV shows.
24. I have an obsession with reality TV.
25. Playing guitar is one of my all time favorite things to do
26.  I love clothes shopping
27. I will never cut my hair short again
28.  I’m ready to move out.
29. But I love my family more than anything
30. The beach is my favorite place in the world
31. I love making people happy
32. It’s important to spend special time with those you love so you don’t regret it when they’re gone.
33. My Dad’s greatest life lessons come from Judge Judy.
34. People don’t like change.
35. The United State Government is run by idiots.
36. I secretly want to be a drag racer.
37. “Divine Nobodies” by Jim Palmer is one of the best books ever written.
38. I’ve realized that my love for people doesn’t come from what they do, but rather who they are.
39. I’m starting to understand how God can love someone like me.
40. You can’t fully enjoy life until you learn to let go of the past, leave it far behind and move forward. 

I'll Be Unemployed in 5 Years.

After years of being confused, lost and indecisive, I made the decision this year that I am going to transfer to a university as a Psychology major. I based this decision on my passion for helping other people. I also based it on the love and empathy that I feel for others. Not only do I want to be able to spend the rest of my life helping people, but I also want to have the education to understand humanity and why we are the way we are. I think it will help me to better understand everyone around me, as well as better understand myself and who I am.

Every time I tell someone my future goals and decision to study this subject, people shake their heads and tell me I’m making a mistake. Over and over, adults tell me I’ll “end up unemployed” and “There’s no money in psychology” and give me a thumbs down the second “psy-“ leaves my mouth.

I feel like I’ve spent way too much of my life trying to figure out exactly what it is that my heart is in. I tried being an English major because I love to write. At that time, people also told me how big of a mistake it was and that I would never find a job. So, I took their advice and changed my mind. I, then, considered being a math major because I love math. But, the thought of sitting in an office all day, every day, punching in numbers made me re-think that option.

After all this time spent thinking, [not to mention all the extra classes I’ve taken in college], I feel like I have finally decided that this is what I want to do. I want to study people. I want to study our thoughts and behaviors. And eventually, I would love to work in a treatment center that helps girl with eating disorders, mood disorders, depression, addictions, etc. There is a passion deep in my heart to help people, to show people their worth and their value in life.

Yet, when I tell people this, they don’t understand. I feel like we have a misconception of reality. We think we have to go to college and get a degree in order to ensure that we get a well paying job when we’re finished. Although this is true to an extent, I think we’re missing so much. I’m not in college right now because I want to make tons of money when I graduate. I’m not pursuing a higher education in order to make sure I get a good job. I’m in school and I’m choosing to study for the highest degree that I can because I love learning. I love figuring out new things and absorbing more information into my brain.

Not once when I am sitting in a classroom do I tell myself that it’ll pay off when I have a good job, because I don’t see school as a chore. I honestly enjoy school and learning more than anything. Sometime it gets hard and when finals were over this semester, I was more relieved than ever before… but I still love it.

It’s really discouraging for me when people tell me I’m making a mistake in majoring in Psychology. I don’t see money or salary as a basis to go to school and get an education. I don’t think that finding a good job is as much about money as it is about what you enjoy doing. I do understand circumstances where money is the only reason to get a job… BUT when you’re in school studying for your future, I don’t think the amount of zeroes in your “expected” salary is what should be on your mind. I could make 20 dollars an hour at McDonalds, but I can guarantee you that I will hate getting up and going to work each day. The amount of money I’m getting paid might allow me to buy everything I want. It might give me the ability to live in a big house, drive a sweet car and have the best clothes… but if I hate going to work and I hate the work that I’m doing, then all of those material things aren’t going to make me happy.

I would much rather learn to live with less and sincerely enjoy what I am doing every day, then make millions and absolutely hate how I’m making it.

I feel like life and happiness are so much more than the amount of money we make. Musicians don’t always make a huge amount of money, but when they’re on stage every night doing what they’ve always loved to do, with a smile on their faces, then who cares?

Sure, they could have gone to school and become doctors… but that’s not where their hearts are. That isn’t what they love to do.

Majoring in psychology is a way for me to learn about myself. It’s a way for me to understand my brother and my parents. It provides me with an opportunity to [hopefully] gain more knowledge about the world I live in and the people I live in it with. I hope to discover new ways to help people in need.

I’m not trying to sit in class for four years and earn a piece of paper that says I can “get a good job” and “make lots of money.” I’m trying to learn. And that’s it. Short and simple- I want to learn as much as I possibly can.

The definition of success according to the New Oxford American Dictionary is this:

The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

I have a purpose in life and one day I hope to figure out what that is. I don’t think anyone’s purpose is to make lots of money. My view of success is not defined by the amount of money or fame I get. My view of success is based purely on my happiness and how I use what I’ve learned throughout my life to help benefit other people.

I can have a PhD in Psychology, make minimum wage, and still be happy. If I’m showing and giving love to others and if I can help make other people realize their potential and worth in life beyond numbers, then I’ll be happy. I’ll find in joy in the fact that I can help the people around me.

You can tell me every day that studying psychology is a mistake. You can tell me every day that there’s no money in the “psychology business.” You can shake your head at me every day. But I’m going to strive to do what I think is best for me. I’m going to focus my life on happiness and love, and not on the numbers in my paycheck.

I’m going to find success in my ability to love.